Back in July 2007, the author Will Self appeared on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme grumbling about what he termed the “cardboard” writing of J.K.Rowling and how adults shouldn’t read it.

As a result I was bizarrely motivated to write a parody of Rowling in the style of Self (notorious for his pleonastic writing style), and then record it in my own imitation of his drawl. I sent it in to the show. (Ironically I actually prefer his writing to hers, but there we are.)

Here is Today’s introduction and excerpt of my brief tale, ‘Harry Potter and the Viscera of Kittens’, and here is the full version I recorded. Just in case you like this sort of nonsense. (Both MP3 files.)