@hofflimits if it had been, you could always try Colchester station car park. Oh, I’ll shut up now.

@hofflimits I’d have done the same, mind

@hofflimits that’s why she is £10 better off than you

@hofflimits ah, you’ve been scammed then. Maybe you could crowdsource it back through Twitter

@SimonBishop you’re in Twitter’s natural environment

@thetearooms I think you mean ‘bigamist’. For 21st century, read ‘onanist’.

Oh, and I’ve just burnt the pizza. Ho ho ho!

Feverish wife. Mouthy toddler. Haven’t left our village-sized-town for a week. Behind on work. No Christmas food or decorations. Bugger.

@thetearooms aha