Kidlington Orbital

On Sunday Brighty and I did half of the ‘Kidlington Circular Walk’ – a badly signed, mixed bag of a walk that even Iain Sinclair might baulk at. Lowpoints include negotiating the A34 and associated tributaries, but of course there was much to celebrate, too – most particularly the slightly spooky but impressive Elizabethan/Jacobean pile that is Water Eaton Manor. My subsequent researches reveal that from the late 1920s it was owned by Sir Alexander Carr-Saunders, director of LSE for two decades and a noted eugenicist. His son Nicholas (born at the manor) clearly rebelled however. He died in 1998, having been a pioneer of the wholefood movement (he founded Neal’s Yard). Some gems from his obit in the Independent:

– “He constructed a flat in Edith Grove, west London, so that ducks in the pond outside could swim under a plate-glass window and into his living room”
– “he slept in a papier-mache ‘cave'”
– “The flat became a centre for hippies and anyone with new alternative ideas. These he began to record and the first edition of Altemative London was brought out in 1970… Further editions followed until a friend meditating in front of a candle inadvertently burnt the flat down.”
– at Neal’s Yard “he designed an imaginative rooftop garden and a flat where he slept in a suspended egg and arranged a padded ledge for guests”
– “Nicholas Saunders spent the last years of his life investigating the drug culture and particularly Ecstasy”
(You don’t say?)

Not sure who owns the manor now, but Nicholas’ son Kristoffer runs a nightclub in Denmark. Sir Alex would roll in his Aryan grave.

Stuck in the middle with you

It’s always fun dandling binary oppositions on the knee. I submit to you that much of modern cultural history is permeated with a dialectic. First, there was religion vs science – where the former was the leviathan trying to defend its territory ruthlessly; second the ‘two cultures’ of art vs science, with the latter partly adopting religion’s role. Now, I suggest, the two cultures are copyright vs copyleft. This latter pairing is something I’m obsessed with.

Margaret Atwood has become a persistent advocate for a book called The Gift, by Lewis Hyde, and thanks to her it has been issued for the first time in Britain only this year (it was originally published in 1979). She’s certainly done more good this way than through her fatuous and insulting LongPen, that’s for sure.

It’s a stunningly thoughtful book, and provides an anthropology of the ‘gift economy’. The first half looks at the history of gift economies around the world; the second, at the specific artistic careers of Whitman and Pound. Most interesting of all perhaps are the conclusion and new afterword. The central question is: how can the artist (and for this read anyone who is creative – scientific endeavour is part of it, too) relate to the marketplace? How can ‘gift’ and ‘commodity’ coexist without one destroying the other in some way?

We’re trapped between the Scylla of Disneyfied, Hollywoodized, DRM-bound copyright, with owners of mass-market artistic output obsessed with controlling its consumption, and the Charybdis of the freeform, open-source, Creative Commons world of copyleft where it’s hard to make more than a few groats. Perhaps this penury doesn’t matter. But to someone like me, a freelancer who relies on selling time and output for money, it’s hard not to think about it. I’m not being paid to pontificate here (and rightly so, no doubt!), but people who write their blogs in work time are being paid, you know.

There are so many interesting gift economies at work. A random sample:
– open-source software
– blogging. writes here that: “I can be fairly confident that three figures of people read anything I choose to write. That’s better than a lot of plays… Sure, I don’t make any money from this, but I do get paid in kind, when I read the journals that all my interesting friends write…” (My emphasis.)
(Though he chooses to overlook that a huge amount of the blogosphere consists of maundering self-pity and passing on memic dreck, neither of which I’m immune to myself, I confess.)
– Wikipedia
– BitTorrent
– artistic output of all kinds – it was lovely to receive ‘s gift of Wasted Epiphanies
NaNoWriMo
Freecycle
– recycling, for that matter
– and countless more, such as the advice we share with friends. uses his training as a commodity for his employer, but as a kindly gift when we raise a legal issue in our blogs.

Sometimes I feel lost in the middle: I run two commercially disastrous (or at least unremarkable) businesses with a friend, for example – though our lack of wholesale commitment to them probably explains a lot. Realistically, both Reverb and Thoughtplay belong more in the gift economy realm. For the first, we have tried to support new authors, pumping in our own money to little gain, though some good things have come out of it all for some of them. For the latter, What Should I Read Next? makes a trickle of cash, which means we’re only half-way to breaking even after a year – but it has also provided at least passing entertainment for hundreds of thousands of people, tens of thousands of them loyally returning again and again. It’s a good feeling. The problem for us commercially is that we lack the technical skills to do stuff like this without paying people to do the coding – which means we either seek funding, or we don’t do it. Our speciality is ‘ideas’, which are more copyleft than copyright. All these things take time, which has to be funded somehow.


Lewis Hyde’s only answer to how “modern artists have resolved the problem of their livelihood” is threefold, and holds no magic surprises:
– take a second job
– find patronage
– sell your work.

For all my hopes that Paul and I could have supported new authors on to success, and in the context of the zillions of manuscripts we had to reject, I can’t help but think authors expect too much: they all think they have a divine right to commercial support, just because that’s happened for a mere 200 years (they certainly don’t realise that even most successful authors have to work all the time to eke a living, and only a tiny number of soaraway bestsellers buck this). But there’s so much crap out there. It makes me wonder sometimes whether the much-demonised ‘vanity publishing’ isn’t actually a damned good idea – or Lulu is the best model, and traditional publishers with deep enough pockets should look there for the few rising stars and then snap ’em up.


In the course of vomiting all this out, it occurs that maybe Google is evil after all. Its business model seems to rely almost exclusively on commodifying copyleft, whether it’s selling advertising on the back of search results, themselves an amalgamation of other people’s content, or putting up the world’s books, or getting users to improve its image indexing. True, it ‘gives back’ by letting us all search for free. But who’s to say that won’t one day change? On the other side of the coin, Google has enabled us humble oiks to monetise our websites – but AdSense has become so utterly ubiquitous that maybe its days are numbered. I do find it surprising that enough people click on the ads to sustain this economy in the first place – but then again this is the same world where supposedly 10% of spam is clicked on. Go figure.


What the hell am I venting all this for? Ach, I dunno, I’m just interested. And I’m maybe at a crossroads in life. Having spent eight years freelancing, I wonder at my age how long I can get away with my random sort of life. But also: it’s great, and I love all the different tangents that I’m free to explore. So, if I can continue to blunder some sort of living as I’ve done so far, there’s much to celebrate. Here’s hoping I can.

(Actually, all this is probably me arguing myself round to offering to do ‘s dad’s murder mystery for free!)

Copyright vs copyleft. I want to know what you think. You read books and watch films and devour story arcs. Are you always happy to pay for them? Under what conditions? Is it your right to watch series three of Lost when it suits you? Who pays the piper? Do creators expect too much? Should they abandon the world of copyright and go left, seeking remuneration in other ways? If so, what ways? And how do you catch a squirrel?

This is far and away my longest post ever, and doesn’t have the point I thought it might have done when it started. Ah well. So it goes.

Too many words for a story

So, as the web already knows, Wired has printed a loada six-word stories, and Slashdot has fostered loads more.

I give you:

Death became her. Resurrection angered her.

Isambard Kingdom Brunel stepped from the –

Birth. Death. Sold sandwiches in between.

Red-hooded girl defeats transvestite wolf.

I. Angry Achilles avenges Patroclus, killing Hector.
II. Odysseus has adventures getting home (uncuckolded).

a. Hamlet dithers after uncle murders Dad.

b. Never never trust your daughters (sometimes).

c. Magician trains monster. Avenges family. Retires.

d. Witches correctly predict Scottish royal bloodbath.

“Policeman” revelation spoils long-running play.

Plane crash. Mysterious island. Interminably unexplained.

POISONED KEYBOARD KILLS HEADLINE WRITER SHOCKE…

So, c’mon people, let’s have yours.

George Monbiot’s programme for tackling climate change

Based on his talk at the Sheldonian in Oxford on 20th October 2006, here is a summary of George Monbiot’s arguments for achieving the necessary turnaround in otherwise disastrous climate change within our lifetimes, put here to spread the message and encourage debate.

A. REDUCE ENERGY CONSUMPTION AND INCREASE EFFICIENCY
1. Carbon rationing. Don’t use taxation, use rationing to give everyone a quota and make it fairer across rich and poor; in fact, it would help redistribute energy wealth, as the rich can buy the extra carbon credits they need from people who don’t use as much energy as they do or want to. (One person in the audience argued for caps at the source of energy production instead, but GM sensibly said that this wouldn’t give people a motive in their daily lives (a) to campaign for more energy efficient products in the marketplace (b) to reduce their own energy use in creative ways – personally, I think both routes might be needed.)
2. Efficient homes. Come on, you know this stuff: loft and cavity wall insulation, low-energy light bulbs, etc.
3. Energy transport. Use DC rather than AC to transfer power as its more efficient over long distances.
4. Look to yourselves. Yes, yes, China has a huge, growing and increasingly demanding population – but we in Western Europe and the US are still far and away the cause of the problems at the moment.

B. USE SUSTAINABLE WAYS OF PRODUCING POWER
1. Offshore wind power on the continental shelf on a massive scale. Monbiot controversially (to environmentalists) dismisses micro-scale wind and solar power, on the basis that, well, it’s overall impact on the problem is going to be diddly squat, unless we have wind turbines on our homes that are dangerously massive. (Though he did concede to the greenies in the audience that of course there’s no harm in people doing it to some extent.)
2. Solar power in the Sahara – the east-to-west axis of the desert provides sun at some point all day long. (He was less clear on the issue about who gets this power – Africa? Or us? – except to suggest…)
3. A global electricity grid to distribute this stuff.
4. Use hydrogen for heat – domestic boilers can burn hydrogen rather than oil or gas. Much of the technology is there, and it is already transported across huge distances for some industries.

C. CHANGE TRANSPORT POLICY & EXPECTATIONS
1. Drive electric cars. The technology is there, and the battery problem is easily oversome: he cleverly proposes that the existing network of filling stations becomes a network of battery-charging stations instead, where your battery is swapped out for a charged one, and on you go. Charge the batteries at night. (Nice – though he doesn’t explain how you could bootstrap such a system without wholesale, dramatic change in government policy…) Oh, biofuels are a disaster: to use them on a large scale takes crucial food-producing land away.
2. Coach networks. We have motorways already, so let’s use them intelligently. Move coach stations from town centres to motorway junctions, and have express services running up and down the Mways all the time; then use local networks to connect to the coach stations. (A statistic: the M25, at full capacity with current average car occupancy, and traffic flowing at 60mph – clearly impossible on the M25! – can accommodate 19,000 people; a coach system would manage 250,000.)
3. Stop flying. The Monbiot headline: we need to stop flying by 90%. He began his talk in awareness of ‘love miles’ – the long-distance journeys we feel morally obliged to take to visit friends and family. His argument is basically that we have to wake up to a ‘new morality’: where our right to travel like this is seen as inferior to our right to survive and not be destroyed by climate change. If we want to fly, we need to save up our carbon credits over a long time.

He’s a convincing speaker, though it’s hard to see how these suggestions can all be begun to be implemented within the 10-year timescale that he says is urgently upon us, given the intransigence of governments, and large corporations’ enthusiasm for clinging to their current profit streams. He throws it at us to motivate political change.

But can we? How, realistically? What do you think?

A-Z of Saints: Quirinus

Less than half a per cent of the saints commonly recognised have names beginning with ‘Q’, and that’s generously allowing alternative spellings, and most of these are far from well known – so it’s not that easy to find much about them.

Here at least is a potted guide to not one but five martyrs who all bore the name Quirinus, suggesting at least that it was not a lucky name to have.

1. Our first Quirinus was Bishop of Sisak (or Siscia) in Croatia, alive in the late third and early fourth centuries. During a wave of persecutions by the Roman emperor Galerius, the bishop was ordered to make a sacrifice to the old gods. When he refused he was drowned in the River Raab with a millstone around his neck (around 308/9AD).

We are told that he did not sink immediately and was still praying as he was swept downstream. His bones were taken to Italy in the 5th century and are believed to remain in a vaulted chamber in Rome to this day. His feast is 4 June, and he is the patron of obsession and possession by evil spirits.

2. Another Quirinus was buried in the same part of Rome – this one a Roman himself, said to have been a tribune, and the jailer of Pope Alexander I. He was converted by the pope’s daughter. He was once remembered on 30 March. A cathedral at Neuss in the lower Rhineland is named after him still – his relics were taken there by the sister of Pope Leo IX in the 11th century. A new shrine to him was erected there in 1900.

3. Another Roman Quirinus is recalled sometimes on 25 March. Almost nothing is known of him, and his relics are said to be in a Benedictine abbey in Bavaria.

4. A fourth St Quirinus is remembered in Prussia, with his remains in an abbey at Malmedy. He and a companion were put to death, but when, by whom and why are unclear. He is remembered on 11 October.

5. People in Tivoli remember another martyred Quirinus on 4 June, though of course this could be a conflation of our first Quirinus above.

Other ‘Q’ saints

  • St Quentin was, according to legend, a Roman citizen, son of a senator, martyred in Gaul. He was imprisoned by a prefect, tortured and beheaded, supposedly in the place that now bears his name. He is remembered on 31 October and is patron against coughs.
  • Luigi Beltrame Quattrocchi (1880-1951), remembered on 25 November, was a layman who made his home a shelter for refugees in World War Two. He has been beatified (but not yet canonised) for an alleged miraculous healing of a young man with a severe circulatory disorder, who is now a neurosurgeon in Italy.

A-Z of Saints: Pantaleon

A saint who represented both sides in the war between religion and science…

In the mid-14th century, in response to the horrors and social consequences of the Black Death, a group of 14 saints began to be venerated in Germany, each ‘responsible’ for a particular patronage, whether against plagues, headaches or family strife, or for safe childbirth, physicians and protection.

They became known as the Fourteen Holy Helpers – and it’s hard not to think of them as some sort of saintly band of X-Men.

They were venerated on 8 August, and in the 16th century indulgences were attached to their devotion, but their joint feast was dropped in 1969. One of these 14 was Pantaleon (also known as Pantaleimon).

Legend has it that Pantaleon, like several others in this A-Z, was the son of a rich pagan, in this case Eustorgius of Nicomedia (modern Izmit in Turkey); his mother was Saint Eubula, and he lived in the late third century.

After her death he drifted away from her faith and focused on studying medicine, becoming physician to the emperor Maximian. It is even said that he began to celebrate idolatry.

Physician

A bishop of Nicomedia, Saint Hermolaus, won Pantaleon back to the church by convincing him that the best physician for men was Christ.

Pantaleon then brought these two traditions of faith and healing together by healing a blind man, and a as a result converted his own father to Christianity. When he inherited his father’s wealth, he distributed it to the poor.

Meanwhile the authorities of medicine were unimpressed, and denounced him to the emperor during the Diocletian persecution. The emperor tried to save his physician by persuading him to denounce his faith, but Pantaleon was unbowed and came to trial.

At the trial he challenged the pagan priests to heal a man who was paralysed – they failed, and he succeeded, but was tortured and ultimately beheaded for his trouble (c305 AD).

According to tradition, his tortures were prolonged by his continued survival despite all odds: an apparition of Hermolaus saved him from burning torches; an apparition of Christ quenched a bath of molten lead; wild beasts sent to tear him limb from limb were cowed and sought his blessing; and when he was bound to a wheel, the ropes snapped.

When their swords bent as they tried to behead him, his executioners became Christians themselves, and only when Pantaleon permitted their cuts did he fall.

Pantaleon is remembered on 27 July and there are numerous churches named after him, particularly in southern France. Relics of his are said to be in Paris, and his head at Lyon. He is the patron of physicians, bachelors, torture victims and tuberculosis.

Other ‘P’ saints

  • St Patrick (386-493) is of course the patron saint of Ireland, remembered on 17 March. Born somewhere in western Britain, he is also the patron of excluded people, engineers and Nigeria.
  • St Philomena was supposedly a 4th century saint from Italy, but was only venerated from the 19th century, and was removed from the Catholic calendar of saints in 1961 due to lack of historical information. Some still recall her feast on 11 August, however, and she is a patron of children, lost causes and sterility.

The Da Vinci Code

I’m increasingly convinced it all fits together. Dr Macartney (sic) has an accident and slips into a coma. He ‘wakes’ and finds himself a police detective in 1970s Manchester by the name of Sam Tyler. It turns out he has a sister, Rose, who has been travelling with a mysterious man called the Doctor. Together they investigate the evil Cybus Corporation, which turns out to be a subsidiary of the Hanso Foundation, which of course is just a front for Opus Dei.

I say

Now, a number of you listening to this broadcast regularly will have come across some odd phrases in popular parlance, and you would rightly suspect these to be Americanisms. With his broad experience of world cultures and pluck in the face of linguistic adversity, your correspondent has elected to proffer a brief guide for the perplexed. Simply find the egregious word on the left, and a translation will duly present itself alongside:

Doh – Bother! (vulg, Blast!)
Duh – I say, you must be two pinches short of a snuffbox
Feh – What an absolute shower
Fnord – I think you’d better ask the Ministry about that
Hurr – Tick tock! Ding dong! I say!
LOL – I say, that is a hoot (compare ROTFL – Really, Simkins, you are the limit!)
Meh – If you say so, old chap
OMG – Good Lord!
Squee – I say!
Woot – Rather!

A-Z of Saints: Michael

St Michael is distinctive as a saint for being an archangel rather than a human. Here we explore the various traditions associated with him.

Different traditions assert that there are either three, four or seven archangels – but Michael is always one of them (along with Gabriel and Raphael), and he has been venerated for centuries by Jews and Christians alike, and indeed referred to in Islamic writings, including the Koran.

He appears in the Bible just four times. The first two references are in Daniel 10 and 12, described as a ‘great prince’; the third in the book of Jude, referring to an ancient tradition of a dispute between Michael and Satan over the body of Moses; and finally in Revelation 12: ‘And there was a great battle in heaven, Michael and his angels fought with the dragon.’

Some traditions associate Michael with other angelic references in the Bible, such as the cherub who stood at the gates of paradise in Genesis 3, and he is mentioned in one of the Dead Sea Scrolls as the ‘viceroy of heaven’, and in the apocryphal Book of Enoch.

In Christian tradition, Michael is given four offices: to fight Satan (the fallen angel Samael or Lucifer); to rescue the souls of the faithful from the enemy, especially at the point of death; to champion God’s people, whether Jews or Christians; and to bring people’s souls to judgement. Early Christians venerated him more for care of the sick than battle with evil, however: it was only in late mediaeval times that he joined St George as a patron of chivalry.

St Michael’s memorial day is 29 September (Michaelmas) – one of the old ‘quarter days’ of England and Ireland when servants were hired and rents became due. Another day, 8 May, is important to Michael: in the Roman Breviary he is said to have appeared at a sanctuary on Monte Gargano, Italy, in the late 5th or early 6th century, and interceded in favour of the Lombards in a battle with the Greek Neapolitans – this date has since been remembered as the ‘apparition of St Michael’, and a church was built in his honour at the site. ‘Relics’ of St Michael are usually chips of rock from this cave, or cloth that has touched it.

Michael’s patronage extends far and wide: early Egyptian Christians placed the Nile under his protection; in Normandy, he is the patron of mariners and said to have appeared to a bishop in 708; in Germany he replaced the pagan Wotan (Odin) as patron of mountains; on the Scottish Isle of Skye, a procession was held on Michaelmas and a cake – St Michael’s bannock – baked; and he is also patron of ambulance drivers, artists, bankers, grocers, hatters, knights; policemen, storms at sea and swordsmiths, among many others.

Michael has also enjoyed popularity in recent popular culture, including the 1996 John Travolta movie Michael and the DC Comics Lucifer series.

Other ‘M’ saints include:

  • The two evangelists Mark and Matthew, of course. Mark, symbolised by the Lion, is said to have travelled to Cyprus with Paul, and Orthodox traditions say he was the first pope of Alexandria. His memorial is 25 April and he is patron of lawyers, prisoners, glaziers and Venice. Matthew was a publican or tax collector before he bacame one of Jesus’ disciples; his day is 21 September and he is patron of financial workers such as accountants and stockbrokers.
  • St Margaret of Scotland (c1045-1093) was the granddaughter of Edmund Ironside, and married Malcolm III, King of Scots. She was born in Hungary but grew up in Scotland, and helped with the founding of Dunfermline Abbey, as well as being renowned for her almsgiving. She died at Edinburgh Castle; her memorial was in June but was moved to 16 November in the 1970s. She is patron of large families, widows and Scotland.

That bestseller formula at last

Budding authors take note. The sensible way to assess your chances of writing a bestseller is of course to look at the qualities of previous bestsellers. It is with public-spiritedness in mind therefore that I have run a frequency analysis on the titles and authors of every bestseller (from the Publishers’ Weekly lists) in the US from the whole of the 20th century. I can now announce the results:

Your best bet for a first name is JOHN, JAMES or MARY; and your second name should be STEEL, KING or IRVING (though other first names might work, such as ROBERT or DOUGLAS).

As for a title, as well as connecting words, you’re really going to need MAN, HOUSE, TIME or WOMAN in there somewhere. My optimal suggestions would be THE HOUSE OF MAN, perhaps, or A WOMAN OF MY TIME.

I look forward to receiving a small royalty share when you’ve put this into action.