Just received an insultingly low offer for the house. Get tae fuck, pal.

Bollocks. I’ve now bought *two* cheap phones that can’t be unlocked remotely and require a dodgy bloke with a cable.

Nice @trapphic story today.

@Alissajrobinson ignore S’s ‘urgent’ email – any time this week is ok (between us)

@turpit I don’t see Twitter overrun with origami gurus! (Pity.) (PS. Not a pity.)

@griffinkate that’s obviously shit, but H has banked with them even longer than I have. Also, I’ve smoked 60 a day for 90 years and I’m fine

I’m struggling to convince my wife that Kirsty Young looks like Stewart Lee. But she really does, you know.

@j4 have been using Co-op for banking for about 15 years, and have always been happy (unlike useless NatWest)

@jpstacey ack (och), you’re right: there’s nothing worse

@doccosmos only just shown on Tweetie!